After a Long Winter’s Nap…

Has anyone else noticed this? I feel in many ways like I’ve been on a Universe-imposed internal retreat. The things that are happening in my life right now are stirring up old memories and letting me know where there are things I still need to let go of. Yes, this is definitely a time of letting go. Here in North Carolina, we’ve had the opportunity to experience weather conditions we haven’t had in a while. They’ve reminded me of the amount of energy I put into things I have absolutely no control over.

Really, what good is it to worry about whether we will have snow or ice? Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be prepared – to have food and water and a plan. Beyond that, we are wasting our energy.

When we get clear on what is ours to do and what is the Universe’s to do, everything – and I mean everything – changes. Where is your faith? Do you have any? Do you have faith that everything will be ok and that you will handle the things as they come to you? OR do you have faith that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong? (If you’re talking about the latter, that’s where your faith is.)

What are you afraid of? I was watching “The American President” during the time I was snowed in. Michael Douglas as Andrew Shepherd, the President, said “I was so busy trying to keep my job that I forgot to do my job.” Do you ever feel like sometimes you’re so busy trying to stay safe and control the logistics of your life that you forget to actually LIVE it?

Now is the time to dust of your dancing shoes and let go of everything that is no longer serving you – from a sweater you love that has seen better days and needs to move on to your fear of snow. Let go of relationships that are no longer serving you. One of my friends said “I have decided that I’m not wearing anything that I don’t feel fabulous in.” Are you ready to make that commitment to yourself? Are you ready to reclaim your body and your life and to make the absolute BEST you can make of it?

It’s time! What are you waiting for?

If you cringed when you read that, think about making a list of what you’re waiting for – why is this not the time for you? Do you feel that everything needs to be resolved in your life first? Are you worthy of having what you want? Does someone in your family – spouse, mother, child – or your circle of friends want you to continue to be the doormat for them? If so, what would your life look like without that person? Go a step further and look at what your life might look like with a completely loving and supportive person in that person’s place.

Suspend your fear and do this exercise as if you can change everything you’d like to change. You can’t change other people, but you can let those people go and get new people who embody the qualities you want in a friend or mate.

Put it all down on paper – bring it out into the light and see what’s in there holding you back. When you see it for yourself or you talk to someone and hear out loud the reasons that you are still playing small, sometimes that helps you to see how it made sense swirling around in your head, but out in the open, it sounds ridiculous.

Put your ratty old victim energy in the throw away box, and pull on your warm, fuzzy outfit of self love and empowerment. You deserve it. It is time to change what you believe is possible. Really, it is.

A Whole New World

I spent the weekend at a workshop that opened a new door for me with regard to changing what I believe is possible. It’s really so funny how we make assumptions that don’t have to be true. What I learned was that even though I am open to shifting my beliefs and limitations, and I do it on a regular basis, I am still living in a box of sorts.

The key to the weekend was pretending. Remember when you were a child and you could pretend anything? You didn’t have all of the restrictions that said “well, that would be good, but it’s not really possible” – you were UNLIMITED!

I will never forget the first time I watched my stepson play a driving video game. He was around 9 or 10. When I played the game, I was all about keeping the car on the road and not running into anything. When he played, he wanted to see what would happen if he ran the car into the building or into a tree or through a lake. The funny thing about it was that the video game was actually designed to reward you if you did some of those “off the wall” things. You got a shortcut by running into the building, extra points for driving in the lake, etc. It was my first view of how much the box made of rules was keeping me from exploring my true potential.

It reminds me of the huge life lesson I learned from Benjamin:

To beat the other guy in the video game, I didn’t have to fight him, I just went around him.

When we allow the rules that we have accepted as true to limit us, we are limiting our potential, our joy, our creativity, and our very life. Isn’t it time to take a look at what rules are running you? After the weekend, I’m re-visiting what’s around me.

Of course, some of the rules may still be important to you. You don’t have to change anything you don’t want to change, but it might be good to have an understanding of what’s there. If you don’t know how to look at what rules are keeping you in place, simply pretend that you know, and go from there.

Learnings from a College Football Game

I went to a college football game yesterday for the first time in several years. I didn’t go because I was so excited to go to football. I’m not a huge fan, although I have been in the past. I went because it was an opportunity to spend some time with my Dad, who was in town for the game. As a result, I got to spend time with my family and some friends for the day. That was a good thing.

Because I didn’t have a lot of attachment to the game itself, I decided to take a step back and look at some of the dynamics of the experience.

First, people in my family were automatically on opposing sides, carrying that energy into all activities of the weekend. Of course, the energy was subdued for the most part. It flared up a little during the game and then a little after the game, but it was not nearly what it has been in other years.

Second, I brought desserts to the tailgate party. On my box of cupcakes, I added two little signs – both of them spoke about how these two teams had played “together” since 1899 and listed out some of the things the schools had in common. I did this to add a tangible reminder that we don’t have to be against each other – we can appreciate our similarities, rather than our differences.

Third, during the game, I noticed that fans around us vacillated between withdrawing their support with comments like “You should just quit. Go ahead and walk off the field now.” when the team made mistakes; to blaming the referees for what happened in the game – “aw, come on Ref, that was ridiculous”; to closely identifying with the amazing team when they scored or caught passes or did things well. They were quick to distance themselves when things weren’t going so well.

Fourth, a lot of the people who gathered in the energy of opposition did so in order to spend time with others eating and drinking heavily.

Fifth, sometimes, people walked by our parking spot and said mean things to people at our gathering, simply because of what was on the clothing that the person was wearing. It was interesting to see negative energy hurled at someone because of a perceived difference based on clothing.

Sixth, while some of the people were disappointed because of their team’s loss, they were also happy that the results turned out the way they did because some of the other people would have made life miserable with their comments and actions if the results had been reversed.

Seventh, and finally, all of this emotion was tied up in the performance of a group of college kids that they don’t even know. None of the people in my group threw a pass, catched a ball, called a play, or had anything to do with the immediate outcome of the game. (They had given money to the respective schools and a lot of time and energy to watching the teams play, but their actions minimally impacted the outcome.) Some of them realized this, others didn’t acknowledge that this thing they have virtually no impact on the outcome of the thing they have their energy tied up in, practically all year round.

For me this was a way for me to see some things about myself. I certainly have been right in that space where others were yesterday. I have also judged people by their clothing or their affiliations, not knowing anything about the person. I have been in more situations than I care to count when my energy started out in opposition to someone else in my family.

I’m not saying I’m better, believe me. I continue to learn about myself by watching the actions of others. And I am so grateful to have that opportunity. I know that some of the things I do that aren’t conscious are affecting me in ways that I would like to be more aware of. That makes me a better me and less attached to what other people do.

The interesting thing about the solidarity of a team is that there is nearly always something that the team is against. We love our team; we hate the other one. (That may be a strong word, but often it is true.) We saw that after September 11, 2001. We were “for” our team, the U.S.A., in a way we hadn’t been in a long time, and we were against all sorts of things, people, countries, religions that we perceived to be the opposing team.

It feels good to be collected together to be for something. My goal is to really work to not be against something else by default.

Resisting Your Highest Good

Do you have places where you are resisting what’s best for you because you have your mind set on something looking a certain way? Lately, I have become aware of some of the places where I am resisting allowing the highest solutions to manifest. I’ve had visions of how I think something should look, and these visions have been set in stone in my mind. We all know that setting something in stone, no matter how wonderful we believe it is, only serves to ensure that it can’t happen any other way and be acceptable.

The reality is that it can happen in an infinite number of ways and be a million times better than the way I’ve imagined it! The reality is that one of those ways might be the way that enables me to make a contact that changes absolutely everything. The reality is that no matter how wonderful I think I am, I will never be as innovative in my head as the universal energy that flows through me when I allow it to.

Resistance always creates an energetic block. When we resist, the energy has to either flow around the block or if the block is large, the energy backs up. Imagine the rocks in a river – the water can’t flow easily downstream; it goes around the rocks or it backs up if the rocks are large. In the physical body, this manifests as discomfort and sometimes full-blown disease. In the emotional/mental body, it is the “stuck” feeling that we sometimes experience. In the spiritual body, it is represented by the illusion of separateness, despite the fact that it is virtually impossible for us to be separate.

The opposite of resistance is surrender. When we surrender to the highest good, the highest thought, the highest vibration, we allow miracles to happen in our lives. EVERY MINUTE, EVERY HOUR, EVERY DAY, ALWAYS. For as long as we surrender.

Often, we misunderstand what it means to surrender. We think it means to completely give up to the things we don’t want in our lives. We think of the white flag of surrender in battle. In this case, we are simply surrendering to allowing the Divine to work through us in the highest way. We are letting go of the desire that we have to be separate and wonderful and surrendering to the higher desire to be connected to all that is and be magnificent! Sometimes it is a challenge. Our ego wants to feel important and special, and it can feel threatened when we entertain the idea of surrendering to the Divine.

It is important that we not make the ego the trendy new version of the devil. We are better served to partner with the ego and enlist it in the job of surrendering. It will help us if we partner with it. When all of the team members are moving in the same direction, there is no resistance. There is only flow.

We can choose to go with the flow, or we can choose to go against it. But when we choose to go against it, we become like the rocks in a river. As the water flows over their resistant points and edges, it smooths them over time. The energy of the flow is powerful. Though it might not take us with it if we resist, it will eventually smooth the edges to allow everything to be softer and gentler.

Either way, whatever we choose, it’s a beautiful thing.

Healing the World Starts with Me

Over the course of the past several years, I’ve had the opportunity to be exposed to many different things that all fall under the category of “Healing”. Some of them have been health care related, others have been more on a spiritual level. The takeaway for me in all of it is this: I am responsible for my own healing.

I am responsible for making sure my car is running and in safe condition. Fortunately, for everyone who drives around the Research Triangle area, that doesn’t mean that I have to actually perform repairs on the car myself! What it means is that I am responsible for choosing a reliable mechanic that I trust to work on my car. I decide when to take it in, considering recommendations from the mechanic or the auto manufacturer. I decide what work I will authorize them to do – I decline some things they offer if I don’t feel those are necessary at that time. I decide when the car will be cleaned and who will clean it. I honor its need for gas and fill it up when it tells me it can go around 65 more miles before it runs out of gas.

In all of these events, I determine whether I feel like I’m getting appropriate value for my money, whether I trust the people who are doing the work, and whether I feel good about how my car is being taken care of. I can only judge the work they do by the performance of the car. If work is done and the car runs worse, I take it back in. If the mechanic consistently takes longer than planned to do the work or charges more than the estimate consistently – every time – I find a new mechanic.

Our healing is the same way. Years ago, we were planning to take my great aunt out for her birthday. She declined to go that day because she had a doctor’s appointment and she said “I won’t know how I feel until I get back from that.”

Sometimes, it seems that we have lost sight of the fact that our healing is our responsibility. Who else could manage it and coordinate it better than we can? We are the only ones who know whether things feel like they’re working properly. We can tell whether the solution we’ve tried has made a difference or not. We know how we feel. As with my car, I may not feel qualified to actually do the healing myself – whether traditional or alternative, mental, emotional, physical or spiritual – but I do have the responsibility to seek out the help and care that I need.

Around 7 years ago, I had a physician who attributed every ailment I had to my weight. I was around 100 lbs overweight when I started seeing her. My assumption was that she had my best interest at heart, and I could certainly see how some of the issues I raised were weight-related. After I had been on my food plan for some time, I went to see her with a sore knee, and she told me it was related to my weight. She was surprised when I told her I had lost 60 lbs since the last time I saw her, even though her staff weighed me each time, and each time she harped on my weight. I was over half way to my goal, and she hadn’t bothered to compare my last weight to my current weight.

You know where I’m going with this, right? That was my last visit with her. I found a new doctor who really viewed me as a person and who was aware of what was going on with me. That’s something we should do with every person who takes care of us as much as we are able to. If you have a belief that there’s no one out there who cares about you, look to see if YOU care about yourself. If you do, know that you are worthy of having caring people take care of you – whether it’s your physician, your massage therapist, your chiropractor, your oncologist, your surgeon, your energy healer, your manicurist, or your minister.

You deserve to have every person in your life be someone who has your best interest at heart. If you don’t have that, fire the person you have, and get another one! When you acknowledge that you are the person in charge, and that it’s your job to ensure you find the best people to do the work that you can’t do yourself, you can shed the victim energy and really put yourself in a place to heal.

Even if you don’t know where the best person to help you will come from, continue to focus on what you want, how you want to be treated, and that person will show up! I also used to have a primary care doctor who was focused on the mind-body-spirit connection. Nice, huh? It was nice, except that the focus started once the doctor came into the exam room. I routinely waited 30 minutes to an hour after my appointment time to be seen. (The 3 times I went if you can call that routine.) The third visit, after waiting an hour, I left just before the doctor was ready to see me because I had something else I needed to do. For me, a focus on the whole person includes how long they sit in your waiting room. The more I took a stand about what I would and would not accept, the more I have gotten exactly what I want. I didn’t make a big fuss about it, I simply voted with my feet.

We are powerful when we take ownership. We don’t have to make a scene, tell anyone off, whine and gripe to anyone; all we need to do is stay focused on what we want and how we want to be treated and keep moving toward that until we have it.

Sometimes, being in charge of getting the best person to help you means that you will need to make a choice that is outside of something your insurance covers. When you’re making those decisions, always consider the time and energy that you put into all of the visits and tests and waiting for things that are covered. If you can’t just make the decision you’re worth it, which is difficult for some people, really weigh the time, money, energy and results (rather than simply the money) and make a choice that is the best one for you. Remember, you are in charge!

Many years ago, I was seeing a chiropractor 3 times a week for an issue with my lower back. I could barely get out to my car some days before my back was “out” again. He was on my insurance plan, so I only paid a co-payment to see him. I had another chiropractor who I saw for some nutritional work (supplements, food allergies), but didn’t go to her for my back because she had a cash only practice. When my first chiro was out of town for the Super Bowl, I needed to go to my second chiro for an adjustment. She adjusted my back and told me that I should come back in 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS? She said I could come before that if I needed to. I didn’t need to. I found out that by going to her, instead of the other one, my back problem got resolved AND it cost me less than 2/3 what I was paying in copayments to the other one.

All of this to say that it’s not all cut and dried. If you pay attention to what’s going on and make sure that you’re getting what you want and being treated the way you want to be treated, you can rest assured that whatever issues you’re dealing with will resolve more quickly!

You deserve to have the best person in charge of your healing. YOU!

Open to Possibilities

Are you open to possibilities that are more amazing than you can currently imagine? If not, you’re allowing your limiting beliefs to rule the good that comes to you. It’s like the difference between free-range chicken and chickens that are kept in cages with no opportunity to move out of their space. If you have a fence around what you believe is possible so that there’s no way for it to expand, guess what? It won’t expand because it can’t expand.

Fortunately for us, every piece of new information we receive has the possibility to weaken the fence so that there’s a little crack that will allow new possibilities to enter. Are you putting yourself in a situation where you are seeking out new information, or do you think you know enough already? Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that just about every person in the world believed that the world was flat. Think about how absurd that sounds now.

And what if, this may sound far-fetched, you are the only thing that stands between you and whatever it is that you desire – knowing and living your life’s purpose, having a comfortable lifestyle, being an artist? What if the only real blocks that exist are right there inside of you? It has nothing to do with your job, your boss, your spouse, your parents, the President, the economy, or any other thing that you might have been tempted to pin the blame on.

The bad news is that it’s all within you. The good news is that it’s all within you. If it’s within you, that means that YOU have the power to change it. You are in control of how you respond to the events in your life and YOU can make it different right here, right NOW. How does that sound?

Preposterous? Perhaps. Just sit with it and let it sink in. Then decide what you will do about it next.

You are the guardian of all of the possibilities that are waiting for you. You don’t create them, but you determine whether you will allow them into your space. The choice is all yours. You have the opportunity to choose to see each thing that happens as a gift rather than as a drama or a crisis. You have the opportunity to decide whether you will ask for help and whether you will accept the help that comes to you – knowing that help comes in all forms.

Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re ready to own it all. Because if you own it all, you can mold it and change it into whatever you want it to look like.

And if you’re reading this right now, it’s a sure sign that you are ready for that. Don’t delay – go for it!!