Learnings from a College Football Game

I went to a college football game yesterday for the first time in several years. I didn’t go because I was so excited to go to football. I’m not a huge fan, although I have been in the past. I went because it was an opportunity to spend some time with my Dad, who was in town for the game. As a result, I got to spend time with my family and some friends for the day. That was a good thing.

Because I didn’t have a lot of attachment to the game itself, I decided to take a step back and look at some of the dynamics of the experience.

First, people in my family were automatically on opposing sides, carrying that energy into all activities of the weekend. Of course, the energy was subdued for the most part. It flared up a little during the game and then a little after the game, but it was not nearly what it has been in other years.

Second, I brought desserts to the tailgate party. On my box of cupcakes, I added two little signs – both of them spoke about how these two teams had played “together” since 1899 and listed out some of the things the schools had in common. I did this to add a tangible reminder that we don’t have to be against each other – we can appreciate our similarities, rather than our differences.

Third, during the game, I noticed that fans around us vacillated between withdrawing their support with comments like “You should just quit. Go ahead and walk off the field now.” when the team made mistakes; to blaming the referees for what happened in the game – “aw, come on Ref, that was ridiculous”; to closely identifying with the amazing team when they scored or caught passes or did things well. They were quick to distance themselves when things weren’t going so well.

Fourth, a lot of the people who gathered in the energy of opposition did so in order to spend time with others eating and drinking heavily.

Fifth, sometimes, people walked by our parking spot and said mean things to people at our gathering, simply because of what was on the clothing that the person was wearing. It was interesting to see negative energy hurled at someone because of a perceived difference based on clothing.

Sixth, while some of the people were disappointed because of their team’s loss, they were also happy that the results turned out the way they did because some of the other people would have made life miserable with their comments and actions if the results had been reversed.

Seventh, and finally, all of this emotion was tied up in the performance of a group of college kids that they don’t even know. None of the people in my group threw a pass, catched a ball, called a play, or had anything to do with the immediate outcome of the game. (They had given money to the respective schools and a lot of time and energy to watching the teams play, but their actions minimally impacted the outcome.) Some of them realized this, others didn’t acknowledge that this thing they have virtually no impact on the outcome of the thing they have their energy tied up in, practically all year round.

For me this was a way for me to see some things about myself. I certainly have been right in that space where others were yesterday. I have also judged people by their clothing or their affiliations, not knowing anything about the person. I have been in more situations than I care to count when my energy started out in opposition to someone else in my family.

I’m not saying I’m better, believe me. I continue to learn about myself by watching the actions of others. And I am so grateful to have that opportunity. I know that some of the things I do that aren’t conscious are affecting me in ways that I would like to be more aware of. That makes me a better me and less attached to what other people do.

The interesting thing about the solidarity of a team is that there is nearly always something that the team is against. We love our team; we hate the other one. (That may be a strong word, but often it is true.) We saw that after September 11, 2001. We were “for” our team, the U.S.A., in a way we hadn’t been in a long time, and we were against all sorts of things, people, countries, religions that we perceived to be the opposing team.

It feels good to be collected together to be for something. My goal is to really work to not be against something else by default.

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